can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
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There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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