First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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