Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
