he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
