Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
