haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
