Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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