My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
