So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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