I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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