Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
