just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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