If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
