I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
