i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
