Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
