Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
