I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
