You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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