If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
