theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
