What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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