Your dad touched me again.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
