i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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