I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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