hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
