Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dude. I can hear the air.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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