just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
