i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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