apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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