Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
