Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
