Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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