dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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