Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
