I am puke
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
