all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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