Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize