Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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