Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
