your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
