Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're like the curious george of whores
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
