Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
