Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

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  (443): you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it http://tfl.nu/4e12
  Replies (9) Good night (1254) Bad night (4281)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

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  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11890) Bad night (2203)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.

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  (210): no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here. http://tfl.nu/1kwe
  Replies (8) Good night (1473) Bad night (3824)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...

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  (402): Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being... http://tfl.nu/xmjx
  Replies (11) Good night (3355) Bad night (1209)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.

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  (315): He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits. http://tfl.nu/w5h8
  Replies (7) Good night (3438) Bad night (962)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.

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  (713): screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude. http://tfl.nu/sk5p
  Replies (4) Good night (1764) Bad night (1556)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.

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  (519): You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month. http://tfl.nu/3065
  Replies (9) Good night (2198) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

  (1-619): View more from California

  Very innocently.

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  (619): I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (1-619): Very innocently. http://tfl.nu/o8xf
  Replies (19) Good night (3164) Bad night (778)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  ...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.

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  (940): ...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere. http://tfl.nu/gwb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2475) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.

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  (918): It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before. http://tfl.nu/3ksy
  Replies (6) Good night (989) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert

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  (302): It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert http://tfl.nu/8dr2
  Replies (12) Good night (602) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."

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  (860): When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed." http://tfl.nu/60fs
  Replies (0) Good night (688) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself

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  (775): He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself http://tfl.nu/55fu
  Replies (3) Good night (347) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT

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  (727): man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT http://tfl.nu/gnnh
  Replies (0) Good night (394) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??

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  (720): Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room?? http://tfl.nu/pgxo
  Replies (0) Good night (514) Bad night (318)

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