the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.