I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.