she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?