if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives