They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
