found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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