I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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