i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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