he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
