my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
