508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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