see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
