Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
