there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
