so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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