What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
