the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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