He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
