true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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