thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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