Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize