Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
