These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know her cup size but not her name....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
