everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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