Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm like, not good at living.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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